By Julie Buehler, RP, RMFT
With so many parenting books out there, where do we start? I came across this book, which made me wonder, “I am getting it right as a parent”? Do Andy and Sandra Stanley really know the right way to parent?
About the authors
Andy Stanley has been a Christian preacher and author for decades. He and his wife have been working with teens and parents for a long time. They have spent countless hours connecting with parents, “who’ve seem to have gotten it right”.
The Stanleys have three grown children and have fostered children as well. They have written this book to share from their experiences and knowledge.
If you are looking for a science-based, research informed parenting book, this may not be the book for you, as this book shares more experiential learning. However, if you are looking to learn from parents and leaders who have raised their kids to love spending time with each and their family, this might be worth the read.
Main point: The North Star
The Stanleys shared the common experiences that parents face, that “a lot of time when we parent, we are thinking more about the immediate problem”, need, or a rule that needs to be followed. The Stanleys talk about a north star that guides their parenting. Their north star is parenting with relationship in mind. They wanted their kids to enjoy being with their parents and each other no matter their age.
Andy writes, “Direction determines destination”. If we wanted to have a positive relationship with our children when they have grown, we must nurture the importance of relationship in our parenting as they are growing.
If we parent based on immediate problems and have no direction, we might not get to our designation, our path might be influenced by others or immediate circumstances. Why not take a moment and ask yourself what direction is my parenting leading to? Is that the direction I want to go in?
Why is this relevant?
In past generations, there was always an expectation or unwritten rule that “you raise your kids and you will always have a relationship with them”. The world has changed and so have relationships.
Parent and adult children relationships are no longer guaranteed. Divorce happens, families change and grown kids have choice on what kind of relationship they will have with their parents. Therefore, it is crucial for parents to reflect on the direction they want their family moving towards and begin to implement strategies to get their family to that designation. If relationship with our children is important, how are modelling that importance everyday?
Questions to ask yourself
- What is my north star? What’s my destination for parenting?
- Am I parenting based on that destination?
- What adjustments do I need to make?
As a parent myself, this book has caused me to stop and reflect on my own parenting strategies and my faith. I would recommend this book to parents and people working with parents.
