Imagine what life would be like if we hung onto every thought we had? I recently discovered a study that concluded that healthy young adults have an average of 6000+ thoughts each day.
That’s a lot of information bouncing around in our heads: remember that important doctors appointment coming up! Did I offend Janet when I left the party early? Why do I seem to disappoint everyone? Can I do anything right?
Sometimes our thoughts can be reminders of tasks that we’ve forgotten about. Sometimes our thoughts are centred around a recent event or how we see ourselves.
Thoughts come and go. Where thoughts gain power is when we hang on to one thought more than another.
Thoughts can give us self-confidence when we hold onto an encouraging word from a trusted friend. Or they can make us think negatively about ourselves when we don’t do well on a test or we don’t complete a task.
Our thoughts can influence how we view ourselves, others and the world around us.
Here is a simple example of how unchecked thoughts can spiral out of control: we see your friend down the street but they don’t wave or acknowledge us. We might think “this person doesn’t like me, she never wanted to be my friend…” then we might feel sad and start to isolate ourselves from others, which leads us to have less time with others, re-enforcing the thought that we are unlikeable.
On the other hand, after that friend doesn’t acknowledge you, you might say to yourself “they probably don’t see or hear me”, leaving you feeling indifferent and more likely to say hello the next time. That helps us build on the friendship as well as the belief that people do like us.
One event can impact people differently based on the lens in which they view themselves, others and the world.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), explores these lens, specifically, how an event can impact our thoughts, emotions and behaviours.
Considering how many thoughts we have in a day and the power that thoughts can have, what then should we do with our thoughts?
Here are five steps to managing your thoughts.
- Identify which thoughts you tend to hold on to. Example: “People don’t like me”.
- Test the accuracy of the thought. Just because the thought is in my head does not mean it is accurate or true. So check the facts! Using our example above, the facts might be: 1. the person was actually too far to hear anyone; 2. She wasn’t wearing her glasses; 3. I am guessing it was my friend because of something the person was wearing—she was too far to see for sure. (Note: facts are not based on our feelings or interpretation, they are just the data.)
- If the thought is not accurate, truthful or helpful, replace the thought with an accurate, truthful and helpful thought. Example: “She may not have heard me or seen me. I’m not 100% sure it was her. In the past, she has normally said hi. I’ll say hi the next time and ask if it was her”.
- Remind yourself of the new replacement thought. As you begin to replace your thoughts with accurate, truthful and helpful thoughts, the old thoughts will still come around. Recognize the old thought. Practice letting go of it and holding on to the new thought.
- Repeat. By practicing thought replacement, you are teaching your brain new ways of thinking, which will eventually become automatic for you. It will take some effort, but you can get there.
If your thoughts continue to leave you stuck and unable to move forward, reach out to a therapist who can help you develop more strategies to manage these thoughts.